Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure – Translated as only the Chinese can.
I do have some doubts about the authenticity of this posting, but it’s fun anyway.
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
- Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.
- Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall.
- He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
- This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.
- Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.
- Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.
- We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
- Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
- Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat.
- Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
- Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid, and please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
- When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
It is pretty clear that this is a hoax, it does not take much detective work to figure out that out. They say “Beijing Hotel Brochure – Translated into English as only locals or computers can.” I see that the name of the photo graphic file is “chinese-hotel-staff.jpg”, but that is not really convincing, for some good reasons. Specifically, take a look at (1) the people in the photo (wrong hairstyles, suspicious body language and bodies,and non-convincing faces when I saw this photo elsewhere without the blurring) and, more seriously, (2) the magazine rack on the left (refer to photo). The rack has numerous copies of HOT PEPPER, a _Japanese_ magazine. Even giving them the benefit of the doubt and saying that a Beijing hotel would have Japanese magazines on display for its Japanese guests, (1) there appear no magazines other than HOT PEPPER, (2) there are too many of them, and (3) the readership of HOT PEPPER has the wrong demographic (quite young) to go to Beijing in such numbers as to make placing numerous editions of HOT PEPPER in the lobby worthwhile. Sorry, this is a pretty clear case of hoax. Bill Lise @ have lived in Japan for about 40 years and am confident of the above.
Yup! I’m sure you are right! I have come across many poorly translated manuals and the like and this is simply over the top! It’s worth a smile though!
Mr Cane,
The piece contains neary 20 double entendres or word plays in the same number of lines almost every one refers to sexual organs or sex.
Forget the magazine rack, of course it is manufactured you fool.
Marcus
Hi Marcus
Yup I know it’s manufactured. The first line of the posting says ” I do have some doubts about the authenticity of this posting, but it’s fun anyway.”
Keep smiling! I do!
Chris