I’m not sure that I liked the Kroger Store in West Chester anyway, but I’m kind of angry that I have been banned from the store. Yesterday I was at my local Kroger to buy some Purina ‘Moist and Meaty’ dog food for Diesel and our three pugs.
I have no idea why but the woman behind me in the check-out line asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m a bit of a smart-ass, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 30 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Moist and Meaty chunks is a plastic bag and simply eat one or two chunks every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in checkout line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the sidewalk to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard – I’m now banned from the Kroger Store in West Chester.
It would be wise to be careful of asking questions of some of the older folk because some of us have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Reminds me a story I heard: A newly wed couple opened their presents and found a huge collection of canned food with all the labels removed from the cans.
An accompanying note read: “We wanted each meal for you to be a surprise so we removed the labels”.
Months later they disclosed to them that a few of the cans were actually dog food…
Chris… I think you definitely belong in Texas. Reminds me of the time I came home late one night hungry as a hound and spotted a glass bowl in the fridge with what appeared to be Libby’s corned beef and hash.
Made my self a sandwich, woofed it down and decided it was so good that I made another and emptied the bowl. The next morning, my ex-wife, went to feed Lucky our dog and asked what happened to the bowl of Kennel Ration she had put in the fridge.
Obviously, Lucky was out of luck that day and I haven’t been able to walk past a fire hydrant to this day.
I came home late one night a note on the fridge that said “Your dinner is in the dog”.