- Raising Cane
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
    • Hi Google Commands
  • Contact Me
Home » Humor » How fights start…

How fights start…

Posted on December 30, 2009 by Chris Cane

This week I received yet another email from my twisted friend with an interesting list of reasons that fights get started.

It began >>>> How Fights Start……. 
 
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..


I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started….
 


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And that’s when the fight started…


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started……


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first..
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s when the fight started…..


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started..


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as  he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’

‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘ He’s my old boyfriend…
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…


I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started…


HE SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST…

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Posted in Humor | Tags: man, Miller Light, reunion, TV |
« Southbound on The Coastal Boat 1971
The Land Rover Saga »

Search Me

Select a Category

  • Amjo Related (2)
  • Bastards (2)
  • Computing (10)
  • Humor (308)
  • Might be true! (24)
  • My Life (199)
  • Pure Bullshit (10)
  • Rare Miscellany (100)
  • True Stuff (20)
  • Useful Stuff (14)

Got comments?

  • Rick Quinn on My Colonoscopy Journal
  • Chris Cane on Chinese to Engrish – Sometimes Funny
  • Marcus Shaqra on Chinese to Engrish – Sometimes Funny
  • Chris Cane on A Biker will never hesitate to help where help is needed!
  • Harley on A Biker will never hesitate to help where help is needed!
May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Mar    

Stuff I said!

The contents of this blog and website are not designed to slander or hurt anybody of any race or creed. I sometimes laugh at myself or even a friend or five. If you feel you have been slighted in any way whatsoever, please let me know so I can change what was said.

Take a Gander At:

  • Offensive-stuff
  • A Bucolic-scene
  • Contact me at chris@ksb.ttm.mybluehost.me or my contact page.
  • Home
  • Random Post
  • About
  • BUCOLIC SCENES
  • Offensive Stuff
  • Contact Me
© - Raising Cane and Other Stuff